Heart Break Never Really Goes Away
by Faceless Charmer
Summary: With each passing day, Yukito can feel Yue growing more and more sad, until he hardly even comes out. And when he does, it's only for a few minutes. Sad memories haunt his dreams, and Yue's voice cries softly in his mind. Something is wrong, and Yukito will do all that he can to help his friend.


_Next on my Posting a fanfiction for everything I've read by CLAMP! mission is a CardCaptor Sakura story. I guess it doesn't really matter when this takes place. Syaoran gets mentioned, so obviously it's after he came back. But that could either by two years later, or two months later, depending on which timeline you followed. Either way, it doesn't really matter._

 _I have a couple other CCS fanfictions I want to post, so if you're still into the fandom, look out for those._

Living with Yue was easy, most of the time. In fact, a lot of the time, Yukito felt like _he_ was the original personality, due to the fact that Yue only came out when he was either asked, or something felt wrong. But now that Sakura wasn't in much danger, Yue didn't have a reason to come out. That made Yukito feel really guilty, even though it wasn't his fault that Yue never came out.

Things started taking a turn for the worse, one day. Yukito noticed that Yue hadn't had a chance to appear in almost a week, and hadn't complained, or said a single word, either to or against him. Then, Yukito realized something else. This had been happening more and more.

Yukito would ask Yue, in his mind, _Do you want a turn?_ He'd wait then, almost hoping he'd blink and suddenly find himself far away from where he'd been last, meaning that Yue had chosen to make an appearance. But most of the time, there was only silence in return.

And when Yue did choose to answer, (he and Yukito had been working on communicating, and they could usually get a few words across now) it was usually a soft, almost inaudible, _no._

And on the rare occasion that he received a positive answer, or just changed right there, when he came back to himself, he was still in the house, with only half and hour at most having gone by. This could mean a couple things. That Yue was just courteous enough to take him back home so he wouldn't have to walk, or that he wasn't leaving the house. And even if he had left the house, it was obvious he wasn't staying out for long.

Yukito asked Touya, the last time this happened, if Yue had been stopping by.

"No." Touya said as he wiped down the table the customers had just vacated. Yukito bit his lip. There was really nowhere else that Yue could be going. Eriol was gone, back in Europe, and it was unlikely that he was going to Daidoji-san or Li-kun. Did that mean Yue did just spend all his free time in the house, only coming out for longer periods of time when Sakura stopped bye, and asked to see him?

 _Is something wrong, Yue?_

There wasn't a reply, but he could feel a presence on the edge of his mind. Yue was listening.

 _Don't you want to have a turn? And be free again? Don't you want to fly, and talk to the others, and have lots of fun?_ A day didn't pass that Yukito didn't enjoy his time with these people. Every joyful laugh, every tender tear. He wouldn't replace this moments for anything in the world, and he was so gratefully that these were the friends he was destined to cross path with. And he knew that Yue felt the same way. So why? Why was he choosing instead to spend as little time as possible with anyone?

Again, there wasn't a reply, but now, Yukito could almost feel something. It was a cold sadness, that radiated through his body, and pierced his heart. Noticing that something was wrong, Touya put down the rag he was using to wipe the table, and put it on Yukito's head comfortingly.

"Don't worry, Yuki. Just give him some time."

Yukito knew Touya was right, (because Touya always knew what was happening, and was always right) and that he should just give Yue his space. But he wanted to help. Something was troubling Yue heavily, and it wasn't in Yukito's nature to just ignore someone who needed help.

"Why don't you come spend the night at my place tonight?" Touya offered, and Yukito nodded. Yue almost always came out, at least for a little while, when they were at the Kinomoto household, if only to chat with Sakura and Kero for a bit. Some times, he'd even have private chats with Touya. Yukito didn't know what they talked about, but he figured it was something personal, since neither he nor Yue ever shared the information.

 _Please Yue, everyone will get worried,_ Yukito said that night, as he lay in bed, Touya asleep next to him. Yue hadn't made an appearance all night. When Sakura had asked why, Yukito had been forced to lie, and say that Yue was tired, even though Yue didn't sleep, and had no reason to be tired. Nobody had noticed yet, besides Touya, that something was wrong, but it was only a matter of time. They were all pretty sharp, even if they were just children.

He felt a trickle of emotion filter in, and figured this line of words were the right choice.

 _What if Sakura-chan ends up with her feelings hurt? You know that whatever it is, she'll blame herself._

This time, the emotion was much stronger, and he could feel Yue there, like the two of them were standing side by side.

 _I don't want that,_ the long haired boy said, sounding guilty and sad.

 _I know you don't, Yue. Please, tomorrow, just for a few minutes. Try and enjoy yourself._

A few seconds of silence, and Yukito thought that Yue was refusing to answer again, or that their connection, which was still rather weak, had broken. But then he recieved a simple reply.

 _Okay._

Yukito sighed in relief, and, encouraged that he was getting a response, asked, _Yue, what's wrong? Please tell me?_

This time for sure, Yukito knew Yue wasn't going to answer. He could feel the will of the other backing away, until he was just a small aura in the back of his mind. Deciding to talk to him anyway, Yukito continued. _What ever it is, it'll be alright. Don't be sad. Please._

Yukito wanted to know why Yue was so sad.

And finally, he got his answer.

He suddenly began to see things in his dreams. He knew it wasn't Yue's dreams, because Yue didn't dream. He figured that whatever Yue must be thinking about while he was asleep was filtering into his dreams.

They were memories.

Memories of the time Yue lived with Kero and Clow. The memories heavily featured Clow, which wasn't surprising. Yukito knew how much the long haired boy had loved his master. He should have known. Why else would the boy who shared his body be so sad? Flashes of memory crept through his dreams every night.

C _low messing up a spell, and causing a small explosion. Yue and Kero running for cover. Clow laughing._

 _The three of them playing with the Clow Cards, which Clow had released for a short time, so they could enjoy a bit of play time. The flying ones trailed Yue, teasing him, and pulling his hair to try and get his attention. Kero stayed on the ground with some of the others, racing them. And Clow held some of the shorter ones in his arms, smiling down at them like a proud father, and speaking to them softly._

 _Yue high in the air, looking down at his master, who waved up at him with a large smile._ Clow was always smiling in Yue's memories. Well, not always. But most of the time.

One such memory where Clow wasn't smiling showed the wizard sitting in his chair, looking off into the distance, like he was somewhere far away. _Yue walked into the room, and noticing the troubled look on his master's face, asked, 'What's wrong?'_

 _Clow looked over at him, and sighed. 'I'm just thinking...I've caused a lot of bad things to happen with my magic.' The look of heartbreak was too much for Yue to see, and he_ _went over, and sat at Clow's feet, resting his head in his master's lap, wishing he knew a better way to comfort him. Clow put a hand in hair, and swept his fingers through it idly, thinking to himself. Yue shut his eyes._

 _'You are one of the good things I created, Yue.' Clow whispered, and Yue felt his heart squeeze in his chest. He loved his master, so much. There was no one he would ever love more._

After waking up from these memories, Yukito would usually find himself crying. If he was at the Kinomoto's, Touya would always wake up, and embrace him.

"It's okay." the taller boy would whisper. And Yukito knew he was talking to them both.

Eventually, Sakura did catch on. After not seeing Yue for almost a month, she came to Yukito, Syaoran trailing behind her, an expression of grief on her delicate face.

"Is there something wrong with Yue-san?" she asked, tears already in her eyes. Yukito got on his knees, and smiled at her gently.

"He's sad, Sakura-chan. He misses Clow. Wouldn't you miss Li-kun, if he went away forever?"

Sakura gasped, and looked over her shoulder at Syaoran, who responded by grabbing her hand, and holding it. The young girl nodded, and let out a soft sob.

"Yue-san," she weeped, and Yukito felt Yue's heart contract in his chest. "I wish I could help you."

Yukito wished so too. He wished so much that he could help the one inside him.

It only got worse. Even when he was awake, Yukito could feel Yue's sadness and heartbreak. He could hear it.

 _Clow..._ the name whispered in his mind, and grief flooding his heart. _Why did you leave me? Please...come back._

But Clow wasn't coming back.

Then, when Yue did take over, Yukito started to find himself coming too at Syaoran's house.

"Li-kun?" he said, after it happened more than a few times. "Is there something going on between you and Yue-san? Why do I keep waking up at your home?" he inquired gently. Syaoran blushed, which Yukito was used to, after all this time. Sakura or not, the young boy still carried some small level of affection for the older.

"I'm Clow's descendant." Syaoran replied, and that was all he said, like it explained it all. And sadly, it did. Yue was looking for any connection to his beloved master.

Which is why Yukito had an idea.

While at the Kinomoto house, Fujitaka-san let him use their phone. He picked it up, and started punching in numbers. Yue took notice of the numbers, and Yukito felt him stir to life, paying attention.

 _Why?_

Yukito didn't answer, listening as the phone rang, until finally, a deep voice, that didn't sound like it would belong to a very young (looking) boy answered.

"Hello?"

Yukito perked up, glad he had answered. "Hiiragizawa-san. Hello. Sorry to bother you."

"It's no bother, Tsukishiro-kun. Though I am surprised. To what, do I owe this call?"

Inside him, Yue was fighting with himself. Yukito could feel that he wanted to see Eriol very much, but at the same time, he was afraid to, and he couldn't make the decision.

Yukito made the decision for him.

"It's Yue-san. He needs help."

So, less than a week later, there was a knock on Yukito's door. He jumped up, and ran to answer it. He could feel Yue's excitement too. Yukito threw the door open, and smiled the instant he saw Eriol. Eriol smiled brightly in return.

"You must have run for the door, Tsukishiro-kun." he said, in that voice that didn't match his face. Yukito nodded.

"Please come in and have a seat. I'll get you some tea." He ran into the kitchen, and could hear Eriol making himself comfortable.

 _Yue, Eriol is here to talk to you, you know?_

Yue's emotions flickered with indecision.

When they got back to the kitchen, they chatted for a few minutes as they sipped their tea, avoiding the issue and just getting reacquainted. But, after their cups were empty, Eriol got down to business.

"So, you've called me here to talk to Yue."

Yukito nodded, putting down his empty cup. He was hungry, and wanted to go get some snacks now, but this really wasn't the time.

"As I said on the phone, he's heartbroken. He barely comes out, and when he does it's only for a few minutes. He cries softly inside me, and I can't help him." There were tears in Yukito's eyes, that he tried to wipe away, only to be replaced with new ones.

Eriol put a hand on his, and smiled gently.

"You're a very kind person, Tsukishio-kun. I'm glad that Yue ended up with you as his false form."

Yukito sniffled, and nodded again. "Please, can you help him, Hiiragizawa-san?"

Eriol sat back in his chair, folding his hands over his lap. Yukito recognized the gesture, Yukito knew, because he had a sudden image of Clow sitting the same way.

"I can try."

He sigh. "Thank you." Somebody had to help Yue. Before both boys fell apart.

"Yue," Eriol said, speaking past Yukito know. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Inside himself, Yukito felt a wave of emotion and desire. It was silent for a few seconds, as Yukito thought, _Please Yue. Please talk to him. He can help you._

And then, Yukito felt the familiar pull that meant that Yue was arriving. Yukito wished he could see what would happen next. He tried hard, to keep himself aware, even as he felt himself slipping away.

 _Yue,_ he thought before he vanished completely _. Can I stay too?_ Somehow, he felt like it might be up to his other self to make this choice.

The transition was made then, and Yukito, to his disbelief was still there, lingering in the back of Yue's thoughts now. It was a weird experience.

 _Really? I can stay?_

 _I..want you here._

Yukito would have smiled if he could.

"Yue." Eriol said calmly, with a smile. "I'm glad to see you again. I've missed you."

Yue had the strong urge to hug the smaller boy, and that's how Yukito knew it was really getting bad. Yue didn't hug. He heard Yue reminding himself that the smaller boy was not his master, even though he felt like him, and had his memories.

"It's good to see you too." Yue replied, and he was honest.

"Why are you more sad than usual?" Eriol asked, and Yukito paid close attention.

"It's..." Yue paused. "It's not his fault..." he started. Yukito was confused. Whose fault wasn't it? "But..." It was hard for Yue to share his feeling like this, with words. Yue was more of an action guy. "My false form is so happy with the one he loves the most. And I watch them, so happy...and it...it breaks my heart." He spoke the words softly, looking at the table between them.

In that moment, Yukito felt his heart break too. He didn't want to be the cause of Yue's sadness. The cause of his pain, day after day.

Eriol nodded. "I know it hurts Yue. But Clow...he wouldn't want you like this. _His_ heart would break, to see you like this. _My_ heart breaks, and it would even if I didn't have all these happy and sad memories of the two of you together. I am sure that Sakura-chan's heart breaks. And the Tsukishiro's heart breaks."

It does, Yukito whispered. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

It isn't your fault.

"Clow loved you too Yue. I know that. And even if he's gone, his love lives on. It's in the hearts of the ones who know you now."

Through Yue's eyes, Yukito saw a tear drop hit the table, followed by another. Eriol saw it too, because he was quickly by Yue's side, softly running his hand through his hair. At the gesture, the tears only came faster.

"Why did he leave me?" Those five words held more sadness, and pain, than Yukito thought he'd ever feel in his entire life. Yue would never stop wondering this. Why had his master abandoned him? Why had he left him alone? Why wasn't he _coming_ back?

"He had too, Yue. There was something he had to do. But one day, you'll see him again. It may be a long time from now, but I know you'll find each other on the other side."

Eriol's voice, calm and low, found it's way through Yue's heart, touching Yukito's too. Both boys were crying, even if no one could see Yukito.

Eriol hugged Yue's head to his chest, and put his head on his hair.

"It'll be alright."

* * *

 _Why is everything I write so sad?_

 _Sorry for the sudden ending_. _I'm terrible at wrapping things up._


End file.
